An amazing miracle!

My life is such an amazing miracle I feel moved to be a little more creative in my expression regarding this experience I call my life.    

I just talked to my sister who answered her phone with something like: Hello dearest brother whom I love so very much.  I tend to think I should be able to look and see what it is that I’ve ever done for her that would have her say such a thing.  I seem to be more loved than I deserve. 

And, I’m personally committed to “complete unconditional love for each and all of these others” which is similar except that I don’t often attempt to communicate my love so explicitly.  And, this universal love isn’t personal and doesn’t relate to something any of them have done for me.  It’s not an acknowledgment of them personally.  It’s not like I’m giving them credit for something they’ve done.  So, why is it when somebody expresses love for me, I look for how I come to deserve it.  I seem to want it to be an acknowledgment of me for who or how I’m being or what I’m doing in the world.  I’m still looking for validation.    

Part of that is that I am committed to “noticing” whatever there is for me to notice but I seem to be looking inside of an expectation that there is something I’m missing.  And I do truly want to know whatever it might be that I’m missing.  What I’m noticing is that this bias is setting me up to always question what I don’t really need to question.  I could simply trust myself to notice when there is something there and not keep checking with others - did I miss something? 

So, perhaps it’s ok for me to just accept that my life is a full on miracle and that deserving it has more to do with noticing that it is a miracle than it has to do with whether I’ve paid my dues.

Love, Woodson